


With The Lights Blinding and My Heart Played Down

by bigsweatersandcuddleweather



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Justin Bieber - Freeform, M/M, Road Trips, Roadtrip, zouis
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-18
Updated: 2014-05-18
Packaged: 2018-01-25 13:25:22
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,335
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1650206
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bigsweatersandcuddleweather/pseuds/bigsweatersandcuddleweather
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tired of the relentless muddled clump that were their lives, Zayn and Louis take off, abandon it all and run away if only for a few days.</p>
            </blockquote>





	With The Lights Blinding and My Heart Played Down

**Author's Note:**

> Zayn had a deviously cheeky look on his face, one hand clenching the handle of a dark duffel bag, and the other clutching two pieces of paper, ones that he could make out in the dim light.  
> "Well? What’re you waiting for? Go pack." a hint of affectionate impatience and the naughtiness that Louis associated with Zayn, and something new.  
> "Are we really doing this then?" he asked, closing the door as he ushered him in, heading to his room.  
> "Wouldn’t be here in the dead of night if we weren’t. Hurry. Our flight leaves in half an hour." Louis needed no other except the blood that pounded in his ears, hands shaking with nerves as he shoved clothes haphazardly into his backpack, enough to last him a few days, phone shoved into his pocket and wallet in his back pocket. No looking back.  
> "Let’s get out of here."

It wasn’t a first thought, or even a lasting one. It was one of those fleeting second glimpses that kind of stuck longer than he would’ve thought. As he looked at the other boys, he knew that there was no where he else he would rather be, but sometimes he wished that he was farther away than he could fathom.

Away from this life, the flashing cameras and shots of his name. The feeling of walls caving in were considerably child like when he thought about the way his walls were already upon him caving him into the floor and he could barely breath, hadn’t been able to breath for years now.

"Lou? Y’alright?" there was a soft murmur and a hand running through his soft hair. He glanced up at the green irises and spared a semi smile, trying to appease the younger lad.

"Fine. Just…tired." and it wasn’t a lie. He was tired. Tired of run run run, sing, talk, laugh, cameras everywhere, fly away, no family, no bed, no sleep, feeling alone when he knew he wasn’t.

"Yeah, y’look like you could use some sleep." and Louis just wants to snort and tell him that he does as well, but he doesn’t. Not really. He has a kind of glow around him, having spent days and weeks in the L.A sun with his ‘friends’, living the celebrity life that was expected of them by now, except he loved it. He lived for this life. He was born for it. But not Louis. He never expected this, and now he’s not sure if he wants it anymore.

"Come on Lou, let’s get going. We’ve got things to do tomorrow and you need sleep." Harry is ushering him off the couch in the studio, tugging the papers out of his arms and waving at the others who waved, the bags under their eyes just as big as his but atleast they could hold a smile, which was something he hadn’t been able to do genuinely for so long.

"Wait up." they both turned and glanced at Zayn who was jogging behind, books and laptop shuffled under his arm.

"Mind if I kip at yours?" Zayn glanced at Louis from under the fine fringe of his ridiculously long eyelashes.

"What’s going on at your place?" feigning gruffness, although they both knew that he would automatically say yes.

"Pez is still moving out. Things are…tense." he said sheepishly, hands shoving automatically into his pockets. And Louis had to remind himself that he wasn’t the only one having a tough time of this, this life. There was Zayn who was never one for the attention, but had to deal with it on him twenty four seven, especially now with the engagement split and rumors rotating around him. None of them knew the detail, not even Liam, his confidant but they didn’t pry. This was Zayn after all.

"Yeah, sure." he shifted out of Harry’s arms, offering him another  tight half smile that was so half assed that Harry just scoffed and shook his head, heading back into the studio to be with Liam and Niall, and Louis would’ve felt like shit, but he stopped trying to feel things a long time ago.

"Guess what I’ve got." Zayn’s cheeky tongue between grin emerged as soon as they walked through the front door of Louis’s chokingly clean and cold flat, unrolling the little baggie with the familiar furls of green in it. He chuckled and reached out, but Zayn just shook his head, gesturing his head at the open curtains.

"So suspicious." but he was too, drawing the curtains as Zayn took residence on his sofa, spreading out his trade.

"Rather be suspicious than caught." his words were a hum as he spread the thin delicate paper and packed in the leaves, rolling it with practiced fingers from their empty xfactor room and the backyard of Harry’s bungalow. It was a familiar sight when Zayn brought the lit end to his lips. taking a deep breath as the smell of the smoking edge wafted throughout the room.

"Sharing is caring Malik." he huffed, plopping on the oversized couch alongside his mate, reaching over, not for the blunt, but letting his hands cup the dips in Zayn’s cheeks, pulling him forward until their lips were hovering apart, stroking the jaw as Zayn’s lips uncurled and the furls of smoke wafted through his own parted lips, inhaling the sickly sweet tang of the blunt, taking a deep breath as soon as it filled his lungs, before exhaling, feeling the ditsy calm overtake him after the fourth time shotgunning from Zayn’s soft lips, both of them lounging, legs spread over the seat and instead passing a bottle of straight vodka back and forth, a method they learned to stop the spins when they did both.

“Y-you know what I want Zayn?” Louis asked after then spent ten minutes laughing at a picture of Zayn’s- now Perrie’s dog at a salon.

“Dunno Lou, but you can probably buy it, you’re a fuckin millionaire now. Man, it’s still weird as fuck saying that, innit?” Zayn chuckled, pulling a sour face as he took a long gulp of the alcohol before passing it to Louis.

“Money…it’s always about the fucking money, isn’t it? Well fuck that.” Louis spat, slamming the bottle onto the $1500 dollar custom table that Perrie splurged on, but he didn’t mind, he fucking hated that thing.

“But we’re living the life. Proper popstars.”

“Fuck being proper postars, i just want a bit of calm.” Louis groaned, rubbing his hands over his face, chugging the alcohol so fast that it spilled over and dribbled down his shirt.

“Well that’s not what you signed up for, was it? Fame and fortune at the cost of our privacy and all traces or normality.” Zayn said matter of factly, watching Louis too closely until it felt like those eyes were ripping his layers apart and leaving him defenseless.

“Well I don’t want it anymore. I mean- it’s nice but- like- I just want some fucking freedom! I want to be able to go out and not be harassed and cajoled with people screaming how much they fuckin love me and hows Eleanor or Harry or talking bout my hair or the fucking gigantic pimple on my chin.I want to be able to eat when I want and drive wherever i please and not have to listen to other people. I just want to get away for a while.” his vehement exclamations dying down to mumbles as he continued to immerse himself in alcohol, letting the drink mix with the weed to take him to a place that was so far up that he could get away.

“What would you do? If you had that kind of freedom for a while? Where would you go?” Zayn asked suddenly after a second of mounting silence, sitting up so that he could peer at Louis with that same intensity that preceded one of his brilliant musings.

“Whatever I wanted, nothing, everything. I don’t know. But it would be better than this. I’m just so tired of all this Zayn.” he said, hoping that the faint crack of his voice wasn’t audible to his mate.

“I know mate. I know the feeling.” and Louis didn’t doubt it, remembering that time they all dubbed his dark days, wincing at the memory alone. He didn’t doubt it at all.

“Don’t worry Lou. You’ll be alright.” his words a reassurance and a promise.

<><><><><><>

They never brought up the words that had been slurred from their slackened lips as the blunt was passed back and forth, but the words and the promise of escape still weighed on his mind Heavily, the only thing that got him through the days of smiling for the cameras and trying to be as he used to a long time ago.

It was a few nights later, late in the night as he was pulling down the covers of his cold bed in the lonely dark flat that a knock on the door drew him from his sanctuary, caustiously down’ the hall and pressing his eye against the looking glass.

"Open the door Tommo." the soft hum of a voice that he would know better than his own sister’s by know, which he realized was a sad depressing thought. But he did as ordered, pulling the latches and flipping the locks until he was face to face with his dark haired mate. Zayn had a deviously cheeky look on his face, one hand clenching the handle of a dark duffel bag, and the other clutching two pieces of paper, ones that he could make out in the dim light.

"Well? What’re you waiting for? Go pack." a hint of affectionate impatience and the naughtiness that Louis associated with Zayn, and something new.

"Are we really doing this then?" he asked, closing the door as he ushered him in, heading to his room.

"Wouldn’t be here in the dead of night if we weren’t. Hurry. Our flight leaves in half an hour." Louis needed no other except the blood that pounded in his ears, hands shaking with nerves as he shoved clothes haphazardly into his backpack, enough to last him a few days, phone shoved into his pocket and wallet in his back pocket.

Zayn was still waiting there with that eerie calm that automatically eased his erratic heart.

"Any place in particular?" he asked, once they were seated in the taxi, as if the house had ears and would grasp them in their clutches if they were found it. It was as if he was playing a game of spy, like he used to as a kid, then those nights as a heartless over exaggerated teen sneaking out of the window, that fear cloying thought that you may be caught.

"Mmm." Zayn hummed, not elaborating as he glanced at his phone, sending off one message before turning it off.

"Tell your mum what’s happening. Then turn off your mobile. They can’t find us if they aren’t on." gesturing at the phone in Louis’s hand, something that was both an anchor and a burden in his life. He didn’t ask questions, letting Zayn take the lead as fearless leader and blindly  following orders.

Getting through the airport was what had his anxiety rising, eyes furtively glancing around to try and gauge everyone’s reaction to the two of them prancing around the airport. But it seems that two in the morning was a good time to fly out because there was no stop, no stutter as they dashed toward their terminal and barely made it through the doors.

"Where are we going Zee?" he asked when they were seated in the very back of the plane, cramped but empty seating surrounding them.

"We’re getting the hell out of here." slipping the raybans over his eyes as the stewardess came an did an overhead check, not noticing the way Zayn shifted so that Louis was shielded behind him, not relaxing until she was back at the front, slouching down in his seat.

"Yeah, but where?" Louis asked, fingers twitching despite his annoyance. This was unfamiliar, strange and he didn’t like not being in control, or atleast being able to put up a front and pretend like he was.

"Trust me?"

"No."

"Lou, it’s me."

"I know who you are, half wit." reaching over to flick him on the side of the head but Zayn just grabbed his finger and pulled it back, until Louis flinched at the pain.

"I meant…you trust me, yeah?" and there was that serious voice, soft and gentle but with steel determination as he pulled off the glasses to look at Louis more carefully, observant sharp eyes watching his reaction.

"Course." and he did, didn’t trust anybody more than he trusted those four lads.

"Then shut up and let me sleep." he mumbled, knocking heads with him as the planed began taxi’ing, gradually picking up speed as their tires caressed the runway, picking up with a gentle bounce. Higher and higher, ears popping obnoxiously.

With an ease that came from years of practice he automatically reached over, latching onto the  tan fingers that were clenching to the armrest with white wash knuckles, forcing them into his and taking the pressure with a straight face, pretending to be immersed in the view out his window.

Louis stayed awake long after Zayn dropped off, head lolling to one side in a way that should have been unattractive but since meeting him he has never known a moment that the younger lad had ever looked anything less than incredible.

It was weird, watching someone who he had known for nearly four years and feel a bond that seemed decades old, adventures and time blurring together in a fast forward stream of endless running in circles of promo, recording and touring. When had they gotten so much older? He remembered birthdays and the dread of another year passed but where had the time all gone?

He didn’t remember dropping off, only feeling hands jostling his shoulders, prompting him to sit up and force himself awake.

"Time to go Lou. Gotta make a quick stop before we get going." a hand wrapping around his shoulders that steadied him in his dazed state of mind, he didn’t feel the hood going over his head, focusing only on grabbing onto Zayn’s hand, letting him lead like he was a child.

"Where are we?" coming to as they exited the eerily silent plane and entered the equally silent airport.

"L.A. First place I could think of." laughing softly as Louis socked him in the arm.

"L.A? You had to pick one of the most populated states in the U.S? Way to be inconspicuous." only half teasing, his anxiety levels rising at the very thought of crowds, or people in general.

"Idiot. I told you we’re only making a quick stop and then we’re leaving. Is there a car….yes! He came through." jogging forward, both his and Louis’s bags bouncing on his thin shoulders.

"Who? Wait, Zayn what the hell is going on? Who came through?" questions falling short when Zayn just gestured for him to follow, always the ominous fucker. But one that he trusted, so he shouldered on, following the lad who was walking toward the vaguely familiar guy that stood there with a smug grin.

"Whassup Malik?" a boisterous laugh and he slapped hands with Zayn, bringing him into the half hug that guys in America did with a hard smack on his back.

"How’s it going Fredo? Y’alright? This is my mate, Lou. Lou this is Alfredo. Met him when me and Ni went over to Bieber’s house  after the VMA’s that year." Louis nodded, mimicking the handshake/vague hug and exchanged hellos.

"How’s it going mate? Finally pursuing that solo career?" his voice was brash and too loud for Louis taste, arm wrapped around the smaller shoulders of his band mate.

"Na, that life ain’t for me."

"Yeah, I know dude. You’ve only said about a hundred fucking times."

"Only because you guys always ask me the same fucking thing. I’m happy with my mates." Louis couldn’t help the swelling of pride at Zayn’s adamant declarations, something he seemed to have done a lot with these certain mates.

"Aright dude. Let’s get to the house. JB got you what you asked for and he said to stay the night before you take off. " he directed him to a small black car with even darker tinted windows.

"Is that the Fisker Karma?" Zayn asked, fingers trailing along the chrome finishes of the fancy car. Louis had no idea what that even meant but by the gleeful look on Zayn’ face it was good.

"Yeah mate. Want to drive?"

"What? Me? Drive?"

"Yeah dude. If you’re going to be cruising around the states then you’re going to need to adapt to driving on this side of the road."

"Driving around?" Louis finally chimed in, glancing at Zayn who was reaching for the keys that Alfredo was holding out.

"Yeah, I’ll explain it when we get there Louis. Don’t worry." offering a perfunctory pat on the back as he stowed their bags in the trunk and scurried into the drivers seat eagerly. It took all he had for Louis to slide into the backseat instead of stomping his foot and decking Zayn in his face for being so god damn vague. He was tired of blindly following orders un the hopes that it would make things easier, he was so fucking tired.

"Zayn, I swear to go f if you don’t fucking tell me when we get there I’m going to fucking castrate you. If Perrie hasn’t already beat me there." sneering as he shoved his knees against the back of his seat.

"Alright, let’s just get there without being seen first." his irritation festering at the calm that seemed to resonate from his mate, why couldn’t he rile him?

"I’m sure you’ve got that covered mate. Nobody ever really sees you anyway." he knew he was being cruel but the feeling were manifesting and making him lash out, rising in his throat and anger surging too fast and hard, suffocating him.

Zayn simply shrugged as Alfredo hopped in the passenger seat, guiding him through the twisting and turning ramps, talking in low hushes as Louis intently tuned them out, hands clenching on jittery knees. Lights were flashing and merging into endless lines as they streaked past them. Part of him regretted ever opening the door for Zayn, letting him in and following, but the idea sounded so tempting, escape, freedom, no responsibilities. So so very tempting. Even now, miles away from London he could feel the grip on his lungs slackening, knowing that he left that life behind and feeling too relieved and horrified at the same time.

<><><><><>

"So, Justin Bieber?" Louis asked, standing in the foyer of the palace that Alfredo dared call a house.

"Yeah, I called him and asked told him what I was thinking. He was really cool, helped me find a van and offered us a place to stay."

"Yeah, he said sorry he couldn’t be here. But you know, he’s got that popstar life. I think he’s somewhere in South America on tour." Alfredo chimed in, coming up behind them, walking ahead and looking back as if telling them to follow.

"Na, it’s all good. Mate, you mind if we just grab some sleep? Proper knackered from the flight." speaking Louis’s very thoughts.

"Knackered? Man, I fucking love your language." Alfredo snickered, urging Louis to slap him in the back of the head. They didn’t speak an alien language, it was still fucking English. But he bit on his tongue until he could nearly taste the metallic copper tang, shadowing their retreating figures up a flight of stairs and down some winding halls.

"Alright, this one’s for you Zayn. And Louis, the one right across the hall is for you. I’ve gotta take care of some stuff tomorrow morning so I’ll try and talk to you before I have to head out, alright?" Louis let Zayn answer, dragging his bag into the opulently decorated guest room, slamming his door. He knew that it was incredibly rude and if his mother was here she would most likely box his ears and make him apologize, even though he was now a grown adult. Just the thought of his mum had him sighing, rubbing rough hands over his weary eyes.

<><><>

He wished that sleep would come but the strange feel of cold stiff sheets and the weary crush on his bones resulted in him laying there for three hours, trying to seek solace in the escape that wouldn’t come.

"Lou?" respite was at his doors, knocking tentatively before a shadows head popped in, a small smile probably on his face although he couldn’t see it.

"Y’awake?" he asked, already letting the door close behind him, surprisingly fully dressed and his bag over his shoulder.

"Unfortunately yeah. Where you sneaking off to?" sitting up and throwing the covers off.

"Thought that we could get a head start. Got an itch right now to be on the go. How does a beach sound?" Zayn’s voice was that same faint murmur that was a reassuring wave to his hectic mind.

"Yeah, please. As long as we get as far from that prick as possibly. Lemme grab my stuff." shucking off the covers in exchange for his discarded jeans, running a quick brush through his wrecked hair and oddly enough, not giving a fuck.

Zayn took his hand, slim fingers slotting through Louis’s paler ones, directing him through the dimly lit house with a familiar ease, past the sumptuous kitchen and living room, and out the front door, closing it gently behind him, a piece of paper left on the inside table.

"Jay got me a van, thought that might be better. We can crash in the back whenever we need." maneuvering through the precariously parked cars that seemed to be parked everywhere, all reeking of opulence and wealth, something Louis yearned to be away from.

“You really thought this all through, haven’t you?” he asked incredulously, peering into the back once he’d gotten settled in the passenger seat, seeing blankets and twin pillows stacked ontop of a blow up mattress, coze and comfy, quaint, Harry would say if he was here.

“Not everything. Still don’t know where we’re going.” he mumbled, starting up the car with a grumble of the engine, fixing his visors and mirrors, making Louis wonder when the hell did he even learn to drive.

“But you do. We’re getting the hell out of here. Here’s a g.p.s. What’s the closest state to here?” feeling the wind whipping the darkness of night as Zayn’ pulled out of the gates, glancing left and right before continuing into traffic.

“No idea. Let’s just pick a road and see where it takes us. You’re navigator.” reaching into his back pocket to pull out a map and a stack of pages that Louis looked over quizzically, confused.

“You fucking pillock. Telling me you haven’t thought this through. Attractions? Pit stops? You stupid arse.” Louis ranted affectionately, tamping down on the sudden urges to reach over and pinch his newly tinted cheeks.

“Wanker.”

“Toss pot.”

“Useless prat.”

“Oi! If I had known that your insane mind was actually planning on whisking me I would’ve done my research as well.”

“I’m not whisking you away. It’s a prison break.” Zayn grumbled, cranking the window down and fishing for his pack, lighting up and letting his hand hang out the window, the picture of ease, one hand gripping the steering wheel, wind ruffling his soft product free hair.

“Are you sure? Because this feels like another prison. What the fuck is Old Sacramento?” Louis teased, feigning gruff annoyance that Zayn could see right through.

“Some tourist thing. I thought it looked pretty cool.”

“You want to be bleeding tourists? We’re on the fucking run.” it was with a howl of a laughter that accompanied his incredulous words, inciting Zayn’s scowl, furrowed eyebrows and a scowl pout that would’ve looked absolutely ridiculous on anyone else but this was Zayn.

“Stop taking the piss out of me and direct. Or do you just want to take this highway forever?” gesturing to the cars that were scarce on the roads, giving the bustling city a pleasant serene look.

“What’s the point of navigating. Just slap an address in the g.p.s and vroom vroom. No point in getting lost.”

“There’s no getting lost if you don’t have a destination. There’s not address to put in.”

“You suck at plans.” Louis pouted, snatching the palm out of his outreached hand and opening the long monstrosity, groaning under his breath. If only he had actually paid attention in geography.

“We’re on the West side Lou. Initials C.A. I marked it.”  _ofcourse he did_. It was silent as they coasted along the brilliant sea coast, able to see the Ocean from their view, smell of summer and salt permeating through their every pores, as if the sun was already out and warming his very soul.

“What highway are we on?” glancing up in search of a post indicating where they were going.

“50? I think?”

“That one goes all the way across the U.S. Like straight down the middle. That seems like a great place to start, innit?” he questioned, glancing sideways through the partitions in his low lying fringe, only catching a glimpse of a nod.

“Yeah, and we stop when we need.”

“Otherwise it’s just you me and the open road Zaynie!” Louiscrumbling up the map and tossing it out the window, Zayn cursing at him because that was was their only map but he just shrugged it off with a winning grin that always seemed to get him out of trouble. Zayn shook his head, slapping him across the back of his head.

"No need to be abusive, just keep fucking driving." he hissed, kicking out his feet.

"Asswipe." but Louis could detect the undertone of muffled affection as Zayn’s lips pursed around another cigarette, dangling dangerously low as they cruised at what felt like a sluggish pace, but then again with no plan ahead of them and no place in mind it was a freeing sluggish that they happily indulged in.

<><><><><>

He didn’t remember falling asleep but there was a lulling hum under his ear that muffled his own breathing, gently bumps nudging him further and further out of his consciousnesses and back into reality. Instead of harsh voices and ringing phones wrenching him from his rest of was the muted strumming coming from the front of the van, away from where he had ended up sprawled across the mattress.

It was the eerie quiet that suddenly set in that had him sitting up, tangled in sheets and sun seeping through the windows to blind his bleary vision. The quiet was what he had been craving for days, weeks, months even but now that he had it, it seemed so cavernous, too much quiet so that all he could hear were the voices in his head, telling him things he didn’t want to hear.

He scrambled over the seats and out the passenger side door, wincing at a particular crack of his spine as he stretched, breath stopping in his throat as soon as he comprehended his surroundings, horror setting in as he took in the abandoned exterior, torn apart ramshackle wooden huts that lay scattered across the diminished depleted sand, not even the bleeding colors of the rising sun could cast beauty on the decrepit soil. His heart pounded as he scanned the horizon, not catching sight of the missing lad.

"Zayn? Zayn!" he called out, jogging toward the water and along the coast, eyes darting along the sand and still waters that coasted forward in white foam wash, heart crashing along with each push of the water. His jog turned into full on run, head craning back and forth as he called Zayn’s face louder and louder.

"Oi, Louis!" it was faint, and seemed far off but it made him stop, breath sounding harsh to his own ears as he whirled around, catching sight of the approaching figure that made him both want to run in embarrassment and tackle in relief.

"You fucking little prat. What the fuck are you doing running off and leaving me in a fucking van?" he shouted, heading back toward Zayn with his hands shoved deep in his pockets, and a flush creeping up his neck when he thought about how utterly ridiculous he must’ve looked.

"Calm down Lou. You were still sleeping and I wanted to look around." holding out a cup as a peace offering, hoodie zipped up against the chilled October breeze that accompanied their proximity to the sea. Louis took it, taking a deep gulp and sighing in relief at the soothing taste of Earl Grey so early in the morning.

"Where are we anyway? It looks deserted." he asked, turning away from those amber ochers that were studying him so intently, searing their way through his thick armored skin and right into this insides.

“Salton Seas. Read about it a long time ago and thought it was worth a visit.” eyes sliding off Louis’s figure and toward the sea that had an eerie aura about it, if water could posess an aura, but what set Louis off was the number of dead fish that littered the shores, revealing more as it pushed out further with the tide.

“Why are all the fish dead? Why is there no one here? Why are we here?”

“Waters too salty, toxic to the fishes. THe whole town was abandoned after a hurricane that devastated it, no one ever came back, a few people stayed but it’s mostly uninhabited.” nonchalant as if it was normal for Louis to wake up in abandoned towns and readily accept it.

“Why are we here though?”

“Don’t know. Just wanted to see, I guess.”

“Why the fuck would you want to see a place that everyone runs away from? I get the whole recluse thing but don’t you think this takes it to a whole different level?” the barbs in his tone slicing at Zayn in a way that he regretted as soon as the words slipped through slackened lips. Zayn didn’t respond, simply shrugging further into his sweater.

“Just cause it was interesting.” chugging down the remnants of his coffee, avoiding Louis’s gaze.

“Well did you get enough Indiana Jones? This place is really creeping me out.” rubbing at the chills that were emerging from his skin.

“Yeah…let’s go.tossing his cup to join the litter that splayed out across the sand. For a second Louis worried that he had alienated the one person who had always been on his side, pushed him too far but his fears were put down as Zayn reached over and took his hand, leading him back to reality, his grip anchoring him steadily.

And he couldn’t have been more grateful.

 

Three days later they were coasting through the Great Basin, the amount of rest stops and gas stations diminishing to every few hundred miles. It should’ve set his teeth on edge, the fact that they were in the middle of nowhere, at any moment they could run out of gas, get attacked by dangerous bikers or stranded and eaten by vultures. But with the way Zayn was slouched in the drivers seat, his right knee resting against the open window while his left worked the pedals, slackened grip around the butt of a extinguishing cigarette it made the pounding in his chest fade. And the spliff between his own lips didn’t hurt either.

The roads just passed, along with everything else he used to think important, only him, this car and the soft tunes that played.

_I stared up at the sun,_  
 _Thought of all of the people, places and things I’ve loved._  
 _I stared up just to see  
_ _With all of the faces, you were the one next to me._

_You can feel the light start to tremble,_  
 _Washing what you know out to sea.  
_ _You can see your life out of the window tonight._

“What song is this Zee?” he asked softly, not willing to interrupt the silent peace that shrouded them like a cocoon. Zayn looked at him from under slightly hooded eyes, appearing dazed but squinted as he listened to the lyrics.

“ ‘s One Republic. Lose myself or som’fing like that. ‘s a good tune. Gotta thank Niall for that.” he mumbled to himself, humming along, his voice lending the song more life, weaving small variations of riffs that was just so Zayn.

“You look proper knackered Zee. Want me to take over?” he asked, reaching over to take the weed from Zayn’s slack lips and toss it out the window, making sure there was no one around to watch him. He didn’t need to get them arrested for possesion, not entirely sure if it was legal here, wherever it was that they were. He wasn’t entirely sure anymore, simply following signs. It was so achingly familiar to those nights on tours, dazed and proper exhausted from endless tiring days of filming, singing interacting and putting on a facade, only to sleep on a rocking bus to do it all again the next day.

But here, here it was all uncertain, but in the most deliciously exhilaratingly free moment. No facade, no schedule, no obligations, no routine. Just them the road and however much gas they could get.

“Yeah, could use a nap. There’s a rest stop coming up, we can stay for the night, or until someone kicks us out.” he hums along, looking through some of the comics that Zayn had supplied, reading some of the funny bits out to his mate as One Republic stayed on loop. Once Zayn had stopped he hopped out his side, going around to the side and yanking the doors back, reaching for his bag and heading toward the welcome center to dress down for bed and wash up. Louis didn’t bother, simply slipping through the seats to the back where he stripped down and settled on the mattress. They could easily afford a hotel, motel, rent a house, or even rent the hotel. But this was comfortable, familiar. Especially in the world where everything was new to him.

“Bro, your breath stinks every morning.” Zayn mumbled when he came in and saw Louis already tucked in, lifting up his blankets to squeeze in beside him, shutting the door and flicking the locks as well. He parked near enough so that no one would bother them so he wasn’t worried.

“S’not like I kiss you with this mouth. Pipe down Malik.” Louis grumbled turning over, but he was turning back over ten minutes later, a question plaguing his mind, the same one that had been waiting for an answer since they flew out.

“Zayn? Hey Zed, you awake?” he asked, nudging the skull on one bony shoulder.

“Wha Lou?” voice thick and almost syrupy with sleep.

“Why me? Why did you bring me with you? Why did you do this?” he asked, his question breaking the silence but he needed to know.

“Cause, you looked like you needed it.” he replied just as softly, his voice a hum in the dim light.

“And what is that supposed ot mean?” he asked, not sure whether to be offended or not, rising onto one elbow. Zayn sighed, turning onto his back so that he could peer up at Louis from under his fringe, pink sleep tinted cheeks against tan skin seeming more vulnerable than he was used to seeing Zayn.

“Fuck, Louis you didn’t see it. We thought- I thought I was gonna lose ya. Like…you looked like you were losing yourself. Figured you needed a break, so I just like took you away. A break is always good.” he said, running his hands through his hair in an attempt to hide the shaking because it wasn’t an exaggeration. Louis had been like he had been a while ago, on the brink of losing yourself to the manic surroundings, getting lost in his mind to voices that told lies and things that didn’t matter, losing grip on reality and just getting by until he would touch back down on earth and feel like the wool had been snatched from under his feet, out of touch and so very lost that he just wanted to run. Zayn knew the feeling, and he knew he would be damned if he let that happen to Louis.

And Louis could see the shiver in his fingers and stayed silent, not because he he wanted to, but because he had nothing to say. He had no idea he had been so bad, that he had let himself get that bad. They had all seen Zayn those few months and swore that they would never let themselves or each other get that far away again, and he had been so busy watching the others that he forgot himself.

“Thanks.” he settled on that one word, hoping it conveyed everything he couldn’t say. But that was the thing about him and Zayn, they didn’t need many words, Zayn just always knew what he couldn’t say and Louis always knew the thoughts that never left Zayn’s mind.

“Yeah, enjoy it, because I didn’t  tell anyone we were leaving. Not even the lads, so while they get their asses handed to them they’ll be plotting their revenge. We need your brilliant mind to keep us alive. Think you can handle it Tommo?” Zayn asked, attempting to lightening the heaviness that fell over them.

“I got it Malik, make sure to stick by my side, alright?” the double meaning in his question right there, asking him to stay beside him, keep him safe when he can’t do it himself, while he looked after the younger lad, a partnership, comradeship. Asking for help when he usually tried to do it alone.

“Yeah, course Lou. No go to sleep you sentimental bugger. Need my beauty sleep.” he mumbled, a tremor crawling up his spine at the chilly night air. Louis tutted, tossing his blanket over Zayn and scooting over so that they were both covered by the covers, spooning the younger lad from behind.

“Night Z.”

“Night Lou.” a half hearted response as Zayn reached for his hands, knitting their fingers together over his lean stomach, in a sort of, im still here, i wont let go. I won’t let you lose yourself tonight.

And Louis nodded against the bones of his spine, feeling like he was floating, not away, always grounded, just floating.


End file.
